A friend recently added a blog entry named "innocence", which sgined for the loss of innocent time after moving into the professional world. It touched me somehow and my first reaction was to post a reply under it. But then I realize that there are too many thoughts and a response simply is not enough to include all. So here comes this little article, just to say something about the topic before I forget and to kill some time in the hotel afternoon.

 

Friend's article said people have lost contacts after school. Even though there are occasional chattings on MSN or offline meeting, short and hurry converstation just make the distance farther. People have changed a lot, they become more anxious and easier to get irritated, said the friend. There are meetings every day but the center is always on business. Even though in private gathering, people come with purpose. Between the lines, innocence is missed.

 

Having just come back to China for less than a month, I share the same feeling: every one is busy, friends drift away, peace can hardly be found in city life. In a word, there is no room for innocence. It is sad. In innocent time, life is much simple. Back in school all we should worry about is the date for our next party. There was no complex interest conflict and sophisticated personal relationship. However, even though we all wish the wonderful life lasts for ever, should we take this for granted? I don't think so.

 

Moving from the ivory tower to the real world is a big step. It doesn't just mean the change of your title. There are more responsibilities and concern that one should take on while getting into the real world. Among these responsiblities, the primary one is to have a better life for himself/herself and his/her family. For this goal, we have to take things seriously as  every one is too busy that they can not afford to have their time wasted. For this goal, we need to enlarge our nextwork and know more people. We sacrifice every spare minute in our life just to make it a little closer to our goal. Meanwhile, old friends might drift away as they have their own life and it might not be the same or anywhere closer to yours.

 

Nobody feels like this. But this is the rule. Then should we all be pessimistic about it? I say no. As I always believe that we have control over our own life. The rules can be very tough, the world can be easy to get irritated and friends can go far. But it is always up to you to make te choice for your own life, and it is up to you decide what to change and where to go.

 

Maybe innonce is no longer there. No matter how wonderful it is, it is gone from your life when moving into the real world. And if it is still somewhere in your mind, you probably should just let go. As it is the essential cost of growing up. The absence of innocence, for me is not equal to the loss of trust and good will, but is to become stronger in your heart. Letting go innocence is not letting go the direction of life. Quite the opposite, you pick up more realistic goal by gving up innocence and growing up.Then you might find more power to make your own decision.

 

Finally, I want to play a little with economics by applying the sale-cost equation to my "growing up" theory: Benefit of growing up = Total outcome of growing up - cost of growing up. The conclusion is: since innocence makes part of the cost of growing up, so the less the innocence is, the more benefit you can have.

 

October 13th, I woke up during the sun rise of England. The weather was surprisingly good. Even though it was a little bit cold, there was no rain. The sun shine was good and the air was fresh. I finished my packing by putting the laptop into the bag and then I drank a coffee with my favourite soup cup, which I brought it in Italy four years ago. It was such a good time. I cleaned the cup and leave it on my table.

 

The room was not yet empty, neither was my table. There were my favourite soup cup and my favourite bowl, which is of pure white porcelain with big printed black letters "coffee" around the side. It was simple and of style, just as the way I like. I did not pack them, even though I was leaving Europe for China that day, and maybe never come back.

 

I left them behind so I could emplty my mind, in preparation for a new start. This year, there were too many stories, which were not of happy ending in my life. I want to forget all of them and leave them behind in Europe. This day everything was back to zero. I went back with nothing, just as I came to France five years ago. Well, not eactly nothing, there was passion in both cases. My mind was blank, but the confidence was solid. The future is under my feet and I am sure it is leading to somewhere wanderful and splendid!

2月14日，威尼斯的海宁静而温暖。船夫的身影飘荡在楼墙间的小河上，优雅而带着淡淡的忧伤。远处，当夕阳缓缓盛开，有一种热情在绽放，有一种憧憬在期待。一种美丽，不会因心情的低落而消减，不会因时间的流逝而衰败。

 

没有情人的情人节里，威尼斯还是一样的美丽。

  很久的很久很久以前，故事就开始了。是怎么开始的我已经忘了，只记得那个时候，一切都是美好的，一切都充满了希望。以前总是想，让别人快乐，让自己快乐，不去伤害别人，对我来说就很够了。也许是年轻的反叛吧，那时候能不去考虑后果，能一副无所谓的表情面对世界，面对自己。直到自己累了，受伤了，才发现原来自己要的东西并不是这些，才发现原来自己错了。

      今天，故事终于结束了。一个人坐在空荡荡的屋子里，有点伤感，有点寂寞，但是心里还是很轻松的。就这样吧，跟我的故事说再见，跟过去的我说再见，重新开始新的生活。我知道，这样的伤感总会过去的。也许一个人的日子，寂寞会越来越漫长，不过简单的生活，还是要轻松愉快些的。

      很久没有尝过这样的安静了，突然有点害怕，只是窗外的阳光太过灿烂了，让人不知不觉就恢复了信心。

很久没有一个人走在清晨里了，尽管大脑疲惫不堪，清澈的空气还是给我带来了久违的清爽。这让我想起了曾经在国内的无数个清晨，曾经的点点滴滴。突然有点怀念的感伤，但是心情舒畅。一个人这样的时间里走在街上了，其实是一件很享受的事情，可惜平时我每天的这个时候几乎都在睡觉。

有时候觉得时间在吃人。小的时候，什么都不懂，于是什么都让人期待。人长大了，激情变少了。不再因为一盒冰淇淋开心一天，不再因为一次大餐而激动不已。曾经有过的各种各样的感动和幸福，变得越来越渺小和微不足道了。巴黎就是个很好的例子,一年前的赛那河铁塔，现在都只是油盐酱醋茶。常常很怀念小时候的日子，简单的思想，简单的快乐。

 

当然，人不能一辈子都活在童趣中，有一天总是要长大的。。。。

        音乐。摇晃着整个大厅。每个人都唱着跳着，带着笑，那么开心，那么地自在。

        或者他们是真的开心，或者不是；有的人没有激情，有的人为了掩饰感情；跳得开心，也许，是因为心里太疼了吧。

        在这个房间里有100个人，每个人有一个故事，我们就有100个故事。有的故事很甜，有的故事很苦。也有的甜蜜的故事，突然就变成了苦的。你努力把这苦味去掉，它却总在那里，冲不掉，吞不下，忘不了。假如是爱情突然消失了，谁会不难过呢。只是爱情根本没有过，那就没有必要难过了。时间总会冲淡一切的，若干年，或者几个月之后，你又会是你自己了。这个世界上，最爱你的人，必需是你自己，爱自己的人，才能找到自己真正爱的人。爱情故事往往是有些伤感的，伤感又怎么样呢，别人的开的头，还是得让别人去把它结束吧。

        世界总在不停地变化，一词之间，可以改变很多很多。伤心后悔太浪费时间了，继续往前走吧！